Don’t forget bro’s: No pain, No gain! LIFTING IS A STATE OF MIND!

[Runda Grodan]

My Encounter With The New Guy At The Supplement Store...    

Today was like every other Tuesday in every way except one: A new man was hired at the local supplement store.

I woke up around 11am and threw on my No Fear T-shirt and some spandex before hitting the treadmill for an hour. I had a good cardio workout, took a shower and then on with my day.

Around 1pm, I got the Iroc tuned (I was pissed too because the weather sucked and I just got her washed yesterday) and then proceeded to jostle on down to Supplement Warehouse. I almost had an aneurism when I entered because "Big D" was not behind the counter, but rather some 50-year old waste of flesh was sitting there. This old man had probably never even done a hack squat for Christ's sake.

So I tried to hide my disgust from this elderly gentleman but couldn't bite me tongue quick enough before blurting out "Who in the fuck are you?" He attempted to feed me some bullshit story about being new but I didn't care so I immediately cut him off and warned him to keep his mouth closed or I could potentially kill him with my hands.

Enraged, I was in the corner piling this week's supply of protein jugs in my arms when I caught a glimpse of this old man standing adjacent to me. I was trying to be quick lickity-split and I was already in a hurry because I had to run on down to Mobil to pick up some 2-for-1 smokes (cigs are expensive these days and the sale was only valid until they were out of packs). Also, I usually take my mother's truck to the supplement store every week because I can fit a skid's worth of powder in the cab but I wrecked her Datsun on Saturday night (I was a little drunk and drove it into a newspaper stand). I had to pick her truck up before I went to the gym again at 4 to do some quads.

He was holding a bottle of creatine mono-whatever and just before he tried to suggestively sell that crap to me…I threw the jugs as hard as I possibly could at this man. He became frightened and backed away as I charged towards him.

Just before I pummeled him to the ground, I made a quick zero-radius right-hand turn and shoulder-blocked a neatly positioned display of protein powder pyramided four stories high. I knocked them all to the floor and then reached into my pants and just before pulling a steak knife out on him (I keep a small one strapped to my outer thigh for protection at all times), I evaluated the consequences if I were to be caught so let him escape with only a small cut from when I thwarted his melon with the MetRX container.

I can honestly say with all sincerity that I hope that this old man goes to hell someday (hopefully sooner than later). How dare he attempt to sell a professional bodybuilder such supplements? I can’t get the image out of my head of that “look” that was in his eye when he thought I was going to seriously harm him – there is nothing more rewarding than scaring people.

Don’t forget bro’s: No pain, No gain! LIFTING IS A STATE OF MIND!

[Runda Grodan]

I Have Come To Realize That I Am A Monster

Today was my Back / Traps / Calves day…and I can’t believe what happened.

About 2 hours into my workout, I realized it was time to test my physical abilities and limitations. I threw 10 plates on the Donkey Calf Press, but that was not enough weight to really show the bodybuilders in my gym who I am.

So, just like Macgyver would have done, I rigged up a contraption by attaching two 150 lb. dumbbells to my leather weight belt and then strapped it on the top of the machine. This made the total weight at 750 lbs. which would be an all-time one-rep max day that no one could ever forget.

As I harnessed the almost-ripping belt onto the machine, a man decided he would come over to my station and question my motives for the grand finale I was about to bestow upon the local Gold’s Gym bodybuilding community.

“That’s a lot weight. Are you sure you want to do that?” he mumbled from behind me. I started panicking and without hesitation, I pushed over the 3 foot plate rack loaded with 45’s and 25’s coming within inches of crushing his little feet.

Well Bolex Bro’s – you should’ve seen his face when I did this. He jumped back about 8 feet and fell over the Galileo Press and all of my friends joined me in mocking him. We were all pointed and yelling “Look at the ####…look at him…he probably couldn’t even hack squat two and a quarter! HA HA HA little fag!”

I noticed that my temper began to chain reaction into commotion amongst the Gold’s employees around the front desk. I mean, when this rack fell over it was LOUD!

Quickly, I ran back over to the Donkey Press and ripped my shirt off. My spotters chanted “Come on NOW, You can DO IT! THIS IS YOUR WHOLE LIFE! Come on!!!”

I tightened up my bandana, unrolled my tiger pants so all of the girls could see my gigantic calves perform this unthinkable feet, and unracked the weight! Well brothers, I made history! I knocked out 12 reps without breaking a sweat.

After I finished, I celebrated by shouting “I am better than all of you! I am better than all of you!” The gym Manager, this NATURAL guy, came over to me and told me I have to cool it. I glanced over his shoulder and saw the man whom I taught a lesson to just minutes before I made history fleeing out the door. He told the Manager that I was responsible for tipping over the plates and rack.

Well, had I not been already expelled from every other gym in my town, this Manager would’ve been dead. I mean that. I have never had someone tell me what to do. I gave him the evil eye and sent him a subliminal message: He is going to get beaten to death someday. I am a patient man and I don’t forget anything or anybody.

As for the other gent who ran away almost in tears, he will pay the piper also. I plan on ambushing him sometime soon. I will keep you all posted!

This is just another reason why we have to stick together bros! No one, especially not some irritating little guy who has never juiced up is going to pull one over on us. We are above God.

BODYBUILDING RULES!

[Runda Grodan]

My Roid Rage!!! Scary
Check it...

I went to my girlfriend's house last night to meet her parents for the first time. Her idiot father went to shake my hand and made a comment "Wow, you are a big guy." You can imagine for obvious reasons why THAT would get my blood boiling.

We are sitting around the living room prior to dinner shooting the breeze and lolligaggling about current events, movies, politics, etc., and then her mother has the audacity to break out with "So, Brian, you must spend a lot of time at the gym?" Well so help me baby Jesus, did I almost choke her with a piano wire!

Politely, I excused myself to go to the bathroom to "cool off." I put some cold water on my face and swore that if this whore talked about lifting one more time that I would seriously pistol-whip her.

The Scene: Dinner table.

We are sitting down and the food she is serving is all fattening (like most food observed on 90% in American homes). I looked at my girlfriend and said "I am not hungry!" She saw the face of death in my eye and knew to keep her trap shut or she could end up being the victim of a severe beating when we got home.

Her father then busts out with "Come on, eat...a little fat never dun hurt no one." I slammed my fist on the table, stood up and left the house. His Audi was parked in the driveway and I put my head through the passenger window. Then I left.

Is this roid rage? I usually think of myself as that of a passive and conservative gentleman! These Anadrols are great for strength, but I am questioning whether or not this incident is a reflection of steroids? Anyone?

[Runda Grodan]

PRO'S seminar ends in DISASTER!!
Brothers,

A well known pro won't be at any upcoming shows. He is most displeased, and blames me, of all people!

The following is a true story.

Last week, a well-known pro bodybuilder, who I won't name, contacted me and let me know that he wanted to hold a bodybuilding seminar, charging people the equivalent of 25 American dollars each to hear his training, nutrition, and supplement advice.
Things didn't go very well...and now he is quite angry with me.

He had asked for my help in organizing the promotion of his seminar, and I told him that I would be DELIGHTED to take care of that end of things. I hired graphic artists, and personally oversaw the designing of advertising posters that featured the pro's picture, and "TAKE BLOODY ****ING CHARGE!" in large, red, blood-dripping letters across the top. The smaller script read:
"Get ****ing HUGE- scare your mates, your teachers, and your parents! SQUASH bastard enemies like beetles! Learn how to eat, train, inject, how to smuggle and/or import steroids... come to the show, and get a bottle of anadrol for free, to get you started!"

I thought it was smashing, and so did Nobby! I had hundreds of posters made, and Nobby and I posted them in places that we KNEW would draw whomever saw them to the seminar- we went around elementary schools, middle schools, high schools, homes for disturbed youth, the local snooker hall, local playgrounds...a truly heroic effort, I must say. We put the posters up everywhere, and personally encouraged people to attend. Tickets sold quickly.

I also managed to rent a community centre hall for very cheap- mind you, it was in the east end of London, amongst the slums!

The big day came-
The pro showed up to the community centre and, on entering the large auditorium, stood gaping at the crowd. A sea of mostly boys, aged 12-21, met his eyes. Many of them had shaved heads, bomber jackets, wore combat boots, t-shirts emblazoned with swastikas or skulls, and had swastikas tattooed on their foreheads. A jolly group of little rascals!

He then saw for the first time the poster I had made. He said "For ****'s sakes, mate, what the **** is this? Bloody kids! What...free ****ing anadrol...I could get in serious shit...!!!"
A look of true distress, anger, and who knows what else came over his face.
No sooner had he spoken than 10 police officers arrived, and escorted him out in handcuffs- he began sobbing! When they found the 3 crates (1000 bottles) of anadrol I had generously supplied, and asked whose they were, I simply pointed my thumb in the direction of the pro bodybuilder as he was being led away. "They're his!" I quipped.
"Well, I'll be off then" I said innocently, and Nobby and I left- but not before Nobby grabbed the mic and yelled"Now, **** off you lot, you aint gettin no anadrol tonight, show's over- no bloody refunds, bahstahds! G'wan...FOOK OFF!!" he screamed, then threw the mic and the podium at the angry crowd of disturbed youth!
Chairs soon became airborne, the sound of windows smashing filled the air, and screaming erupted...a true riot was underway!

Luckily, we made it out of the community centre, and drove out of the parking lot just as the ensuing riot, which saw the burning down of the community center, 3 people killed and scores injured, got underway.
We both laughed heartily as Nobby floored the Rolls Royce and we sped away from the scene of calamity!

So, brothers, looks like a certain pro bbder is out of the game for the next several years....

[Fultjack]

orkade bara läsa första posten, men tomten borde spärras in

[Daniel_S]

Humor :thumbup:

[Runda Grodan]

Det här är en av de allra bästa! :hbang:


ERNIE TAYLOR's mental BREAKDOWN!! Brothers,

Ernie Taylor has had a mental breakdown, and no doubt will be out of the bodybuilding scene for some time while he gets the help he NEEDS.

It is sad, really, that the pressures pros face can result in this sort of thing.
I was on hand when it happened, and let me tell it first before you hear twisted lies and rumours about Ernie!
The following is a true story.

I had inside information that Ernie Taylor was looking to shoot a bodybuilding video. I acted quickly, having always wanted to direct a pro's video and make them world-famous! I contacted Ernie, and told him that I was a well-established amateur film-maker, and was also currently working with Lou Ferrigno on a documentary on his life. I lied, but so what?

Ernie agreed to meet with me at a grungy gym in London where he trains from time to time. We shook hands, I pointed to the rented video equipment, and went over my ideas for his video, which I wanted to title 'Ernie Taylor: TAKING CHARGE!'. He liked the ideas I presented, about making a truly HARD-CORE video.
Nobby, my chauffeur and training partner, was on hand.

We went through some exercises, but the intensity just wasnt there. "Look, Ernie, see that man by the water cooler? He is a paid actor, hired by me for the video. Go over and shove him out the way, and show everyone how Ernie TAKES CHARGE!!" I yelled. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't go shoving blokes about"; Ernie protested. I grabbed him by the shoulders, and, in a low but steadily rising voice won him over- "Listen, Ernie, people don't want to see Ernie Taylor the gentlemen...now stop being a little girl and show em how being huge means being IN BLOODY ****ING CHARGE!!!"
Ernie walked over with his water bottle and shoved the man out the way. The middle-aged fellow he pushed went sprawling to the floor, and, scrambling to his feet, began begging Ernie not to hurt him, then turned and fled from the gym. "He didn't look like he was acting to me!" Ernie protested. "Listen, Ernie, that fellow is currently doing 'Hamlet' at the Globe Theatre...playing..er..t he role of, ahm, Yorick...he is just staying in character, even off stage, as REAL actors do" I lied. Ernie bought it!

Next it was time for some heavy-duty work.
This time, brothers, Nobby would be Ernie's partner.
With Nobby working out with and spotting him, Ernie went through some bar-bending, screaming, 7 plates a side sets of squats. Then it was on to barbell curls. Nobby loaded up an E-Z bar with 3 45s on each side, handed it to Ernie, and began screaming, five times louder than Dorian's partner in the 'Blood and Guts' video-"ROOOIIIGHT THEN! LOADED MAGAZINES....TAKE FOOKIN CHAAAHHGE...SQUUUEEEZZZE E!" With that, he smacked Ernie in the head to get him psyched up. Ernie completed 8 reps, screaming in agony, and when he tried to give up, Nobby punched him in the face, giving him that extra boost of intensity to complete 4 more reps before dropping the bar and collapsing to the gym floor, groaning. Nobby seized the bar, and curled it 30 times before tossing it aside in disgust, snarling "That was fookin nuffin!" in his heavy, cockney accent.

Just then, a teenager came over and interrupted us to get Ernie's autograph. I spun round, picked up the little twerp, and threw him across the gym. He hit the mirror on the wall, smashing it, and fell to into a bloody, broken heap on the floor. "Next time someone interrupts I'll ****ing KILL THEM!!" I roared. Just then Ernie's cellphone rang and he answered it "Hi, Mom...yes I'm finishing up...see you soon..." he managed to say, before I kicked the cellphone out of his hand. "LET'S TRAIN!" I screamed. "Hey, look mate, that was my bloody mother...and what the hell did you throw that kid for?" Ernie was getting angry. "Fine, Ernie, my apologies" I offered, fearing he was about to walk out on the video shoot.

Nobby was spotting Ernie on a set of wrist curls with 315 pounds, when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a woman's voice. "Excuse me, could you tell Ernie.." was all the woman got out before I EXPLODED in rage, spun around, and clotheslined her so hard she went flying out of her shoes and landed on the floor with a bone-crushing smack. Then I ran over, screaming, and kicked her in the ribs, lifting her off the floor with the force of my boot. I noticed then she was an elderly black woman. Oh well...she shouldnt be sticking her nose into other people's video shoots!
I turned to see Ernie, standing in front of me, his eyes open wide, his voice shaking. "Th--th--that was my MOTHER!" he screamed, then he started trembling, and finally his mind snapped. He seized an E-Z curl bar, and came at me like a maniac! I turned and ran, ducking his swings, any one of which would have been fatal had they connected with my skull...I would have handled him, brothers, but I don't like to harm the mentally deranged, nor did I want my Marlboro-man good looks compromised by a blow from a curlbar.

Ernie chased me around the gym, swinging the bar. I used a personal trainer and various gym members as human shields, but he smashed them aside in his crazed mission to destroy your humble narrator! Finally, his rampage was ended when Nobby managed to hit him over the head with his motorbike chain, knocking him out! Nobby and I quickly packed up the video equipment, loaded it into the trunk of the Rolls Royce parked out front, and drove off from the scene of disaster, laughing, as a police tactical unit and several police cars arrived at the gym!

As for Ernie Taylor- the man needs help. He needs meds, I think, to curb his sociopathic tendencies!

[Lövbiffen]

Det här är en av de allra bästa! :hbang:


ERNIE TAYLOR's mental BREAKDOWN!! Brothers,

Ernie Taylor has had a mental breakdown, and no doubt will be out of the bodybuilding scene for some time while he gets the help he NEEDS.

It is sad, really, that the pressures pros face can result in this sort of thing.
I was on hand when it happened, and let me tell it first before you hear twisted lies and rumours about Ernie!
The following is a true story.

I had inside information that Ernie Taylor was looking to shoot a bodybuilding video. I acted quickly, having always wanted to direct a pro's video and make them world-famous! I contacted Ernie, and told him that I was a well-established amateur film-maker, and was also currently working with Lou Ferrigno on a documentary on his life. I lied, but so what?

Ernie agreed to meet with me at a grungy gym in London where he trains from time to time. We shook hands, I pointed to the rented video equipment, and went over my ideas for his video, which I wanted to title 'Ernie Taylor: TAKING CHARGE!'. He liked the ideas I presented, about making a truly HARD-CORE video.
Nobby, my chauffeur and training partner, was on hand.

We went through some exercises, but the intensity just wasnt there. "Look, Ernie, see that man by the water cooler? He is a paid actor, hired by me for the video. Go over and shove him out the way, and show everyone how Ernie TAKES CHARGE!!" I yelled. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't go shoving blokes about"; Ernie protested. I grabbed him by the shoulders, and, in a low but steadily rising voice won him over- "Listen, Ernie, people don't want to see Ernie Taylor the gentlemen...now stop being a little girl and show em how being huge means being IN BLOODY ****ING CHARGE!!!"
Ernie walked over with his water bottle and shoved the man out the way. The middle-aged fellow he pushed went sprawling to the floor, and, scrambling to his feet, began begging Ernie not to hurt him, then turned and fled from the gym. "He didn't look like he was acting to me!" Ernie protested. "Listen, Ernie, that fellow is currently doing 'Hamlet' at the Globe Theatre...playing..er..t he role of, ahm, Yorick...he is just staying in character, even off stage, as REAL actors do" I lied. Ernie bought it!

Next it was time for some heavy-duty work.
This time, brothers, Nobby would be Ernie's partner.
With Nobby working out with and spotting him, Ernie went through some bar-bending, screaming, 7 plates a side sets of squats. Then it was on to barbell curls. Nobby loaded up an E-Z bar with 3 45s on each side, handed it to Ernie, and began screaming, five times louder than Dorian's partner in the 'Blood and Guts' video-"ROOOIIIGHT THEN! LOADED MAGAZINES....TAKE FOOKIN CHAAAHHGE...SQUUUEEEZZZE E!" With that, he smacked Ernie in the head to get him psyched up. Ernie completed 8 reps, screaming in agony, and when he tried to give up, Nobby punched him in the face, giving him that extra boost of intensity to complete 4 more reps before dropping the bar and collapsing to the gym floor, groaning. Nobby seized the bar, and curled it 30 times before tossing it aside in disgust, snarling "That was fookin nuffin!" in his heavy, cockney accent.

Just then, a teenager came over and interrupted us to get Ernie's autograph. I spun round, picked up the little twerp, and threw him across the gym. He hit the mirror on the wall, smashing it, and fell to into a bloody, broken heap on the floor. "Next time someone interrupts I'll ****ing KILL THEM!!" I roared. Just then Ernie's cellphone rang and he answered it "Hi, Mom...yes I'm finishing up...see you soon..." he managed to say, before I kicked the cellphone out of his hand. "LET'S TRAIN!" I screamed. "Hey, look mate, that was my bloody mother...and what the hell did you throw that kid for?" Ernie was getting angry. "Fine, Ernie, my apologies" I offered, fearing he was about to walk out on the video shoot.

Nobby was spotting Ernie on a set of wrist curls with 315 pounds, when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a woman's voice. "Excuse me, could you tell Ernie.." was all the woman got out before I EXPLODED in rage, spun around, and clotheslined her so hard she went flying out of her shoes and landed on the floor with a bone-crushing smack. Then I ran over, screaming, and kicked her in the ribs, lifting her off the floor with the force of my boot. I noticed then she was an elderly black woman. Oh well...she shouldnt be sticking her nose into other people's video shoots!
I turned to see Ernie, standing in front of me, his eyes open wide, his voice shaking. "Th--th--that was my MOTHER!" he screamed, then he started trembling, and finally his mind snapped. He seized an E-Z curl bar, and came at me like a maniac! I turned and ran, ducking his swings, any one of which would have been fatal had they connected with my skull...I would have handled him, brothers, but I don't like to harm the mentally deranged, nor did I want my Marlboro-man good looks compromised by a blow from a curlbar.

Ernie chased me around the gym, swinging the bar. I used a personal trainer and various gym members as human shields, but he smashed them aside in his crazed mission to destroy your humble narrator! Finally, his rampage was ended when Nobby managed to hit him over the head with his motorbike chain, knocking him out! Nobby and I quickly packed up the video equipment, loaded it into the trunk of the Rolls Royce parked out front, and drove off from the scene of disaster, laughing, as a police tactical unit and several police cars arrived at the gym!

As for Ernie Taylor- the man needs help. He needs meds, I think, to curb his sociopathic tendencies!


Hoppas fan inte det där är äkta :Virro :D

[Zakath]

Hoppas fan inte det där är äkta :Virro :D

Hahaha, det är illa att du ens tänker tanken. :laugh:

[Rahf]

Sjukt underhållande :D

Man kan undra vem som kokat ihop det egentligen.

[Lövbiffen]

Hahaha, det är illa att du ens tänker tanken. :laugh:

Notera smileyn :D ;)

Men man vet ju aldrig. Kanske en ny Bertil Fox dom skrev texten :P

[Dalle89]

Var hittar man dessa poster?

[Zakath]

Notera smileyn :D ;)

Men man vet ju aldrig. Kanske en ny Bertil Fox dom skrev texten :P

Men du tänkte tanken. :P Det var alltså inte dig jag skrattade åt, utan texten. :)

[Kabuto]

Fan så jävla roliga historier :D (om dom nu är fake). Får mig att tänka på killen från kolo vad han nu hette som skrev "EN FORM SOM ÄR FIN!" bl.a.

Runda Grodan > Är det från nå bloggliknande grejs du har fått det ifrån? ge gärna länk isf :)

[Runda Grodan]

Var hittar man dessa poster?

Fan så jävla roliga historier :D (om dom nu är fake). Får mig att tänka på killen från kolo vad han nu hette som skrev "EN FORM SOM ÄR FIN!" bl.a.

Runda Grodan > Är det från nå bloggliknande grejs du har fått det ifrån? ge gärna länk isf :)
Det är gamla historier som jag hittade för några år sedan som jag har sparat på min andra burk. Nu sitter jag med laptopen så jag kommer inte åt dem men jag kan posta några till senare. :)


Jag trodde inte att det var någon som skulle orka läsa dem. Jag tycker de är skitroliga. :D

[Baha]

garvade som fan i morse när jag läste

askul

[MojjMojj]

hahaha! Så sköna ^^

Att ens tänka tanken att det skulle vara äkta är humoristiskt i sig självt ^^

[Kabuto]

Det är gamla historier som jag hittade för några år sedan som jag har sparat på min andra burk. Nu sitter jag med laptopen så jag kommer inte åt dem men jag kan posta några till senare. :)


Jag trodde inte att det var någon som skulle orka läsa dem. Jag tycker de är skitroliga. :D

Ge oss mer!! :D

[Sonny.]

Haha! Mycket roligt! Tack.

[Jay-Z]

BRO'S!!!11 :hbang:

[mystic[-_-]]

"Excuse me, could you tell Ernie.." was all the woman got out before I EXPLODED in rage, spun around, and clotheslined her so hard she went flying out of her shoes and landed on the floor with a bone-crushing smack. Then I ran over, screaming, and kicked her in the ribs, lifting her off the floor with the force of my boot. I noticed then she was an elderly black woman. Oh well...she shouldnt be sticking her nose into other people's video shoots!

:hbang:

[Diana]

*popcorn*
Tack käre grodan för förgyllandet afv min förövrigt så sönderroiiidade morgon :D *popcorn*
*popcorn*
*popcorn*

[iwytd]

Hahahaha! Klockrena fyfan va skojj, sitter dock på jobbet och läser, kanske inte det bästa att sitta och gapskratta här då man jobbar på comhem *whistle*

Ge mer! *popcorn*

[GymTT]

hehe.

[Runda Grodan]

Great tragedy! Training partner's death

Woe is me. Man that is born of woman hath but a short time to live, and is full of misery.....

My faithful servant, and indispensable training partner, Babu, is no longer with us. As a means of ameliorating my condition, I wish to share with you, my brothers, this sad and tragic tale.

I awoke the other morning, and after a morning constitution, enjoyed a fine breakfast of kippers, biscuits, tea, toast and jam. After lounging leisurely in the reading room, I quaffed a 2 litre protein shake (200 grams of protein) and decided on an outing. Although I usually exercise in VERY exclusive clubs, I decided to do a bit of slumming. Summoning Babu, I declared that we would conduct the day's physical training amongst commoners!
After gathering my training articles, and his own, Babu and I sauntered out to the front steps and stepped into the ever present Rolls Royce.

A bit of background information on Babu. Groundskeeper Babu was purchased from a Russian circus, where he was billed as 'The Sikh Beast' on account of his enormous size and strength.

Within an hour, we were in the thick of middle-class London. What a depressing sight. How people live like that, I shall never know. Then a sign caught my attention- a sign for a gym. 'Stop!' I cried. Babu and I marched into the hovel, and after paying for a membership, we donned our exercise attire. For myself, that would be silk karate pants, and a silk tank top with my family's coat of arms. Babu wore some odd sort of Indian get up.
On entering the exercise area, I could not contain my revolt and roared 'Appalling, Babu, FUCKING appalling shithole this is!'

We began with bench presses. After warming up with 375, I managed to, with hurculean effort, press 495. Now it was Babu's turn. A further 200 pounds was added to the bar, and Babu's huge 400 pound behemoth frame slid beneath the bar and with a guttural roar the monster pressed 695 10 times.
Our efforts in the gym could not be bested.

Then, things took a dark turn.
Wanting merely to have a bit of fun, I teased Babu-
"Babu, see those fellows over there? They told me they wanted to tear off your turban and shove it up your fat fucking bastard arse!"
"They said to me 'what is a fucking Sikh doing in here? Send that golliwog back to Pakistan!' "
I had a jolly good chuckle as Babu, shaking with fury, approached one of the other 5 men in the gym. 'You farging icehole, I kill you!!' he screamed, before snapping the man over his knee like a stick. The other four-obviously friends- attacked Babu. He put his spade-sized hand over one chap's face, and following a sick crushing sound, the man collapsed on the floor like a rag doll.
Babu broke one of the other fellow's arms, bear hugged another to death, then it was down to 1.
I decided to join in the fun.
I looped my dipping belt through a 25 pound plate and charged into the fray, swinging. The last fellow took a jolly good belt to the head and fell down, but alas, in my enthusiasm, I accidentally felled poor Babu with a great blow to the temple.
All was silent.
Babu lay on the floor, eyes staring ahead, stone dead. The other chaps lay either motionless or moaning. The owner had fled. I marched up to the front desk, and quickly removed information pertaining to my membership application.
Then, hands in pockets, I sauntered out, whistling a piece by Handel.

After conferring with my father, Sir ******, O.B.E, it was decided that the servants were to swear I had been in all day, and that Babu had met a homosexual acquaintance that day.

Poor Babu. It is a shame, a true shame.
However, his Kirpan, which I lifted off his body, makes a wonderful cheese knife.

[Runda Grodan]

WHY WE STARTED LIFTING...The Greatest Bodybuilding Story Ever Told

It was fourth and long with under thirty seconds to go in our high school district championship game. As a senior in high school with possibly my last game as starting wide receiver…I knew the stakes were high as we trailed 17 – 13.

The quarterback commanded, “Hike.” The play began to manifest as the defense blitzed and we charged forward.

Seconds before the quarterback was trampled, he managed to release a “Hail Mary” pass that was on target with me in the crosshairs. The pass could not have been more perfect.

The crowd roared as I arrested the ball and darted toward the goal line. Then…it was dark.

As I awoke in the hospital, I learned that a 330-pound defenseman demolished me just before I crossed the ten. No permanent damage to speak of, but the mental anguish of knowing that I lost because someone was “bigger than me” began to cause infuriation deep inside.

That winter, I was determined to devote my entire life to becoming a machine…a physical monster that would intimidate any passerby unto whom I came upon. I bought a membership to Gold’s Gym. I began to extensively research the usage of performance-enhancing drugs. All of my Christmas money that year was going to be used to purchase a variety of anabolic steroids. A priority of finishing up my senior year of high school quickly vanished. Besides weightlifting, all of my free time was devoted to working two jobs so I could afford every muscle-building drug available on the market.

People began to stare. During the first six months of my quest to become something extraordinary, I gained 30 pounds. My metabolism was always high, so I ate everything in sight: stacks of pancakes, entire packages of bacon, whole chickens, loaves of bread, apple pies, etc. I was looking good, and everybody knew it.

Since my parents emancipated me because of my unwillingness to attend school and my determination to never listen to any of their spoken words…I had to find new revenue streams because the night job at Kentucky Fried Chicken and the day gig working the local carwash weren’t making ends meet. Besides, I was reborn; I saw the light; I was going to be colossal. That is when I was forced to find new ways of generating income.

Don’t get me wrong, I felt bad. But how was I going to afford cycles of Growth Hormone and testosterone making chump change for the Colonel and waxing Mustangs?

I was drinking heavily one night when fate and a good idea intersected. My sister stopped over to my apartment because she had heard I had gotten arrested for assaulting some people in a local pizzeria. A few men decided not to let me have their table at lunchtime and all of the other seating was filled. You can imagine what happened next – I grabbed a metal napkin dispenser off of their table and bludgeoned the biggest guy sitting down. Then, his two friends were victimized by a haymaker and a steel-toed, Kodiak work boot…courtesy of me.

My sister began to speak loud. Then louder. Soon I was sure that my neighbors could probably hear her scolding me so I took one last sip of my Long Island Iced Tea and threw her down a flight of stairs. I walked outside and commandeered her SUV. I drove around for awhile as I finished a few beers and ended up at my friend’s pad. I ended up selling him a Jeep Grand Cherokee (Laredo) for $9,000 in cash. Nothing could stop me now.

- Fast-forward -

Four years later I was unrecognizable to many I knew in the town I fled after the Jeep incident. I felt like Forrest returning to Greensboro, only I had become a miracle of God. It is truly magnificent when your reality exceeds your dreams. My arms were a spectacle. My chest didn’t even look real. I had muscles growing out of other muscles. As I walked around my old hometown gym in my bandana and Zubaz pants, I realized that I had done something great. I could tell that everyone was threatened by my size. People were scared of me. If I needed a spotter, I would just yell at anyone nearby, “You, you and you! Get over here and spot me right now!” They did. People would pause in between sets just to investigate how much weight I would have on the bench. I would do a “One-Rep-Max” set and scream as the straight bar would bend because of the amount of weight on it. The three spotters combined wouldn’t even be able to lift this had I not been there.

I could tell that people were jealous. Envy consumed them. This feeling, this sensation of being mighty is why I got in this game in the first place. When I wake up in the morning before my Myoplex, 20 egg whites, and box of waffles, I just thank Jesus that I am what I am: A machine.

NO FEAR! IF YOU AIN’T SQUATTIN’, THEN YOU AIN’T SHIT!

[Runda Grodan]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

A Great Weekend - Check It

This weekend, I sat in my dark, cold apartment with my cat eating egg whites and tunafish just counting the seconds until my next workout.

On Friday, I worked out my shoulders, chest, biceps, neck and glutes and then retired to my domicile for a Myoplex and 1 gram of test.

It was fun.

Yesterday, I worked out my right hamstring, back, fingers and delts. Then I ate 40 eggs and punched my kid in the face.

To say the least, I love life.

[Runda Grodan]

Det finns fler men alla kanske inte är passande att lägga upp, jag måste läsa igenom dem först...

[Kabuto]

Skriv fler eller skicka dom i PM :)

[Termy]

Killen som postar dessa historier kallar sig för Victorian Guy på andra, onämnda forum (osäker på om man får länka till andra forums).

[Yes]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

A Great Weekend - Check It

This weekend, I sat in my dark, cold apartment with my cat eating egg whites and tunafish just counting the seconds until my next workout.

On Friday, I worked out my shoulders, chest, biceps, neck and glutes and then retired to my domicile for a Myoplex and 1 gram of test.

It was fun.

Yesterday, I worked out my right hamstring, back, fingers and delts. Then I ate 40 eggs and punched my kid in the face.

To say the least, I love life.
Bäst hittils! :thumbup:

[Runda Grodan]

Skriv fler eller skicka dom i PM :)
Nu tror jag du kan hitta dem själv. :)

Killen som postar dessa historier kallar sig för Victorian Guy på andra, onämnda forum (osäker på om man får länka till andra forums).
Tackar, nu hittade jag ett par som jag inte hade sett tidigare och de var ännu bättre. :laugh:

Han verkar ha varit väldigt aktiv på flera olika forum men inget som man får länka till.

[Kabuto]

Ingen aning om vilka forum ni pratar om :confused:

Skicka länk snälla ni :)