Visa fullständig version : Rolig historia - min typ av humor
The Voice
A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice in his head, which tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice.
But the next day, the same thing happens: The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
Again the man ignores the voice, but he’s becoming increasingly upset, and the third time he hears the voice, he succumbs to the pressure. He quits his job, sells his house, takes his money, and heads to Las Vegas.
The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah’s."
He hops in a cab and rushes over to the casino, where the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table."
The man does as he is told.
When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17."
Nervously, the man cashes in all his money for chips and then puts them on 17.
"Now watch," says the voice.
The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel.
Around and around the ball caroms. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21.
The voice says, "Fuck."
Heh.. skön snubbe (och röst) dock jäkligt korkat. :D
Mycket bra.
Annars har jag ju redan postat det bästa skämtet i världen:
http://kolozzeum.com/kolozzeum/showthread.php?t=104225
Den var skön! haha :D
Men vems var rösten?
Den var skön! haha :D
Men vems var rösten?
Va? Var det inte bara en röst i huvudet?
Lite smårolig var den :)
Tricklev
2008-02-19, 23:25
Den var skön! haha :D
Men vems var rösten?
Rösten till hörde den Serbiske uppfinnaren Nikola Tesla. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla)
Vi verkar inte ha samma typ av humor iaf :) ....
hehe, har trevliga men icke så härliga minnen från Harrah's *spy*
Den var skön! haha :D
Men vems var rösten?
Rösten till hörde den Serbiske uppfinnaren Nikola Tesla. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla)
Say what? :confused:
Rösten till hörde den Serbiske uppfinnaren Nikola Tesla. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla)
Jag var övertygad om att det skulle vara en 'roll'. Skämmes att missa ett sånt läge. *slap*
Tricklev
2008-02-20, 00:32
Jag var övertygad om att det skulle vara en 'roll'. Skämmes att missa ett sånt läge. *slap*
Vi kan ju inte alla vara lika underhållande som dig egge. *kissass*
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he’s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.
"Ten," says the doctor.
"Ten? Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"Nine. . ."
:D
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today, I’m sick.” He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today, I’m sick.”
The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, “He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.”
So the next day the boss calls the guy into his office and says, “You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You’re a good worker and I’d hate to fire you. What’s the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?”
The guy replies, “No I don’t drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks heavily every weekend, then beats up my sister. So every Monday morning I go over to make sure she’s alright. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know I’m fucking her.”
The boss says, “You fuck your sister?”
The guy replies, “Hey, I told you I was sick.”
LadyInsane
2008-02-20, 08:18
Helt underbara skämt Jarod:D
http://www.cleanaqua.de/verbindungen/pics/glas.jpg
Dom var lite torra, fast det går med ett glas vatten. :D
Nämen, den där med läkaren var bäst..
Kebab-Arne
2008-02-20, 16:03
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today, I’m sick.” He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today, I’m sick.”
The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, “He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.”
So the next day the boss calls the guy into his office and says, “You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You’re a good worker and I’d hate to fire you. What’s the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?”
The guy replies, “No I don’t drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks heavily every weekend, then beats up my sister. So every Monday morning I go over to make sure she’s alright. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know I’m fucking her.”
The boss says, “You fuck your sister?”
The guy replies, “Hey, I told you I was sick.”
Haha! Lätt bäst.
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light.
An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there sonny?”
The young man replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “ Why does it cost so much?”
“Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!” states the young dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?”
“No problem,” replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right — but I’ll stick with my moped!”
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph!
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly, WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him, going much faster!
“What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the moped! Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph.
He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do! Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh, my word! Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man whispers with his dying breath, “Unhook…my…suspenders…from…your…side-view mirror.”
President Clinton arrives in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane, carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the marine guard salutes him sharply. Clinton smiles and says, “I’d like to salute back, son, but as you can see, my hands are full.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine.“Mighty fine pigs, sir!”
Clinton replies, “These aren’t just ordinary pigs, son; they’re pure Arkansas razorbacks.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine. “Mighty fine razorbacks, sir!”
Clinton says, “I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.“
“Yes, sir!” the marine says again. “Good trade, sir!”
President Clinton arrives in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane, carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the marine guard salutes him sharply. Clinton smiles and says, “I’d like to salute back, son, but as you can see, my hands are full.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine.“Mighty fine pigs, sir!”
Clinton replies, “These aren’t just ordinary pigs, son; they’re pure Arkansas razorbacks.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine. “Mighty fine razorbacks, sir!”
Clinton says, “I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.“
“Yes, sir!” the marine says again. “Good trade, sir!”
haha, så bad.
Engelsk humor antar jag, eftersom att jag skrattar mer åt börsanalyserna i DI.
Q: What’s red and orange and looks good on hippies?
A: Fire
President Clinton arrives in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane, carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the marine guard salutes him sharply. Clinton smiles and says, “I’d like to salute back, son, but as you can see, my hands are full.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine.“Mighty fine pigs, sir!”
Clinton replies, “These aren’t just ordinary pigs, son; they’re pure Arkansas razorbacks.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine. “Mighty fine razorbacks, sir!”
Clinton says, “I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.“
“Yes, sir!” the marine says again. “Good trade, sir!”Ahahahahahahahhaahahah bästa på länge *cry* :laugh:
President Clinton arrives in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane, carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the marine guard salutes him sharply. Clinton smiles and says, “I’d like to salute back, son, but as you can see, my hands are full.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine.“Mighty fine pigs, sir!”
Clinton replies, “These aren’t just ordinary pigs, son; they’re pure Arkansas razorbacks.”
“Yes, sir!“ says the marine. “Mighty fine razorbacks, sir!”
Clinton says, “I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.“
“Yes, sir!” the marine says again. “Good trade, sir!”
HAHAHA, wonderful. :laugh:
Engelsk humor antar jag, eftersom att jag skrattar mer åt börsanalyserna i DI.
Three midgets are in a bar arguing. The first midget says, “I have the smallest hands in the world!”
The second midget says, “I have the smallest feet in the world!”
The third says, “I have the smallest penis in the world!”
Well, they keep arguing for a few more minutes and finally the bartender says, “I know, why don’t you three just go to the Guinness Book of World Record’s headquarters and settle it there.”
So, they do. The first midget goes in and comes back out with a certificate and states, “I do have the smallest hands in the world!”
The second midget goes in and comes back out with a certificate and exclaims, “I do have the smallest feet in the world!”
The third midget goes in and comes back out with a glum look on his face. The first midget asks, “Didn’t you have the smallest penis in the world?”
The third midget says, “No, and who the fuck is Yankeee?”
rätt dötrist skämt om du frågar mig :) bara läst första
rätt dötrist skämt om du frågar mig :) bara läst första
Du misstar mig för någon som bryr sig om vad du tycker. :D
Andy.da.wohoo
2008-02-20, 17:54
Three midgets are in a bar arguing. The first midget says, “I have the smallest hands in the world!”
The second midget says, “I have the smallest feet in the world!”
The third says, “I have the smallest penis in the world!”
Well, they keep arguing for a few more minutes and finally the bartender says, “I know, why don’t you three just go to the Guinness Book of World Record’s headquarters and settle it there.”
So, they do. The first midget goes in and comes back out with a certificate and states, “I do have the smallest hands in the world!”
The second midget goes in and comes back out with a certificate and exclaims, “I do have the smallest feet in the world!”
The third midget goes in and comes back out with a glum look on his face. The first midget asks, “Didn’t you have the smallest penis in the world?”
The third midget says, “No, and who the fuck is Yankeee?”
Hahah take that Yankeee :D
Kul skämt :)
Hahaha, den här tråden är underbar. More i tell you, more..
A masked man walks into a bank with a gun, and says, “ Put your hands up!”
The girl replies “This is not a real bank. this is a sperm bank.” He says “I know. Open that door up and take out one of those bottles and drink one.”
She does and the man takes off his mask, and the girl realizes it’s her husband. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”he says.
Tricklev
2008-02-20, 18:21
A masked man walks into a bank with a gun, and says, “ Put your hands up!”
The girl replies “This is not a real bank. this is a sperm bank.” He says “I know. Open that door up and take out one of those bottles and drink one.”
She does and the man takes off his mask, and the girl realizes it’s her husband. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”he says.
BAhahahahahaha :laugh:
HookersUnited
2008-02-20, 18:59
Rösten till hörde den Serbiske uppfinnaren Nikola Tesla. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla)
:D
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair. I made love to two 21 year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.”
The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”
“Never Father, I’m Jewish.”
“So then, why are you telling me?”
“Are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!”
Nitrometan
2008-02-21, 09:50
Jarod gillar engelska?
rememberence
2008-02-21, 15:41
Jarod gillar engelska?
Skämt på engelska/amerikanska är generellt mycket roligare än svenska skämt, många svenska skämt kommer väl ifrån USA/England också?
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